Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Literary Mouse

As it turns out, it takes exactly seven high school boys to capture a mouse in an English classroom. It takes them approximately 4 minutes to do so and said mouse will run across the top of a size 14 (!) boot three times in the process. They must empty 1 gym bag, 1 purse and a shelf of books to accomplish their mission. They will spill 1 half-consumed Diet Dr. Pepper and send one (unused) tampon rolling across the floor. As a group, the seven boys will only scream once, probably in response to seeing the tampon. It only takes one solid stomp from a size 14 boot to squish a mouse in an English classroom. A squished mouse can twitch three times in the time it takes to walk from an English classroom to an outside door.The seven boys will shake hands with roughly 20 girls on the way back from throwing the warm body out the door. Nineteen of those girls will scream when they find out the hand was just on a mouse. One girl will punch said boy solidly in the gut but she is, afterall, the same girl who had a pigeon placed in her locker by the same boys. Pigeons don't like lockers. The girl was unflapped. I hate mice, as it turns out.

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